Modern dating has run aground from two opposite directions. While secular swipe culture cheapened romance into meaningless hookups, conservative Christians overcorrected into high-pressure courtship. Both paths ended in the same place: a generational dating desert.
Them Before Us founder Katy Faust revealed the depth of this gridlock after launching a free matchmaking service for marriage-minded Christians. Clients eagerly embraced saving sex for marriage, but panicked at her only other rule: committing to at least three dates after a match.
Decades of church teachings that warned against casual dating backfired, prompting young singles to apply marriage-level scrutiny to an initial cup of coffee. Outside the Church, Pew Research shows 46% of online dating users report negative experiences, with roughly nine in 10 feeling disappointed. The 2026 State of Our Unions report found that 70% of unmarried 22-to-35-year-olds are not dating at all, despite overwhelmingly desiring marriage.
Singles want commitment; they simply lack the confidence to start. Faust argues we have made the easy decisions too hard and the hard decisions too easy.
Her antidote is the "starter date"—a public, low-stakes, 60-minute coffee conversation with phones put away. Agreeing to coffee is neither courtship nor an engagement; it is just an hour to evaluate character and basic compatibility. Deep scrutiny over finances, faith, and family belongs later as exclusivity builds.
Every child deserves a mother and father, which starts with marriage. To restore strong families, Christians must take coffee lightly and marriage seriously.
